Baby Louis & Baby Noah

Helping deliver two babies in the month of February after having my first in January was a new experience for me. I wasn't sure how the timing would work out since my due date was only 1 1/2 weeks before one of my February moms was due. And if I were to go late, that could mean having my baby very close or perhaps right at the same time as this other mom. Much prayer surrounded my baby's birth and the birth of these other precious little boys and God certainly had everything in His control. As it turned out, I had my baby early and little Louis Grant came 2 1/2 weeks later. At the time, my mother-in-law was visiting and I left Chloe with her, which worked out so well. 

 Louis Grant 2-10-12

And then a week later Noah Allen arrived. And what a sweet little bundle he is! His mom did an awesome job with labor and it was a privilege to be at his birth.

Isabelle with her new little brother.

Since having my own little girl and going through pregnancy, labor, and delivery, I've been asked by numerous people how it changes my perspective on the whole process as a midwife. Having my own has definitely helped me relate to moms in a little bit of a different way. I feel more than ever I can give suggestions and advice because I know what it's like to be in their shoes. At the same time, everyone is unique and their labor and birth experience is going to be different from mine so it doesn't mean I automatically know what they need the most or what feelings they're having at the time. 

Others have asked me if I think I'll be a better midwife because I've delivered a baby myself. Not necessarily. Maybe just a little bit of a different midwife because of my own experience. Most of the midwives who trained me didn't have children of their own. The midwife who delivered Chloe doesn't have children either and I think she's one of the best midwives you can find! So while I think being a mom is valuable when relating to other moms, I don't think it makes a huge difference in one's ability to be a "good midwife."

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Chloe Arriana has arrived!

 

God blessed us with a precious little girl on Monday, January 23rd at 10:47pm. She weighed 9# 6oz! Quite a bit bigger than I expected, especially for my first. She is such a precious gift and we are so grateful for her safe arrival. 

Our Precious Callie

So many emotions I'm feeling these days. So many thoughts about our first, beautiful, precious baby, now in heaven. It's hard to imagine Callie's due date is today, Sunday, October 9th. What would it be like to be very much ready to deliver this little girl of mine? Or maybe I'd already be holding her in my arms...

Sharing this part of my heart isn't easy for me. But I feel that Callie's short but precious life should be shared. Shared, so she is recognized as the gift God gave her to be. Recognized, so that others may be encouraged to value life, just as God does. Society doesn't recognize an unborn baby as a person, a gift of life created by God. But every human life DOES matter. Why? Because "among all God's creatures, only humanity receives the image of God, and that quality separates us from all else...God's image is not an arrangement of skin cells or a physical shape, but rather an inbreathed Spirit." (Dr. Paul Brand and Philip Yancey.)

Callie's life began at conception. Yes, she was not fully formed. Her body systems were just beginning to develop. She hadn't started to hear sounds. Her heart had just begun to beat. So what is her life worth? Is there any meaning in her little life? Callie is God's image bearer. Her time, though short on earth, was exactly as God designed. She was crafted by Him for His glory. He does not look at Callie's short life as incomplete. He formed her with an eternal purpose in mind. He passionately loves Callie just as much as any other human created in His image! Her life is no less important than anyone else. Callie was made for worship. Psalm 8:2 says, "From the lips of children and infants you have ordained praise," and I believe Callie was given to us so that we too, as her parents, might worship the King. That's why I celebrate her little life today. I praise God for giving her to us. She's turned my focus to heaven in a whole new way and given me a glimpse of eternity.

If you’ve ever lost a little one through miscarriage, I’d encourage you to recognize him/her as a person, a gift from God. Give her a name. Talk about him to your other children. Journal about your thoughts and feelings for this little one. Grieve the loss of never having known her. Remember special dates. I found I was much more able to grieve the loss of Callie by doing this, to celebrate her life, and to rejoice that she’s with Jesus, never needing to experience pain, disappointment, or grief. 

Excerpts from my journal after losing Callie:

"I love you precious Callie. I never heard your heartbeat, I never snuggled you close, I never felt your tiny kicks inside me. But oh you are so precious to me. You are our firstborn now waiting for us in heaven. Jesus, hold my little one close to you today."

"My precious Callie, I think so much about you. Not a day goes by without me thinking about your smile, your little feet running across the grass in heaven, your precious hands picking a beautfiul flower. Oh how I miss you! You are forever in my heart. God put a special place in my heart just for you. You're my little girl. I carried you for the first eight weeks of your life. Oh how amazing to feel such an overwhelming love for you in such a short time!"

My husband's journal entry on Feb. 27th:
"We lost Callie yesterday and I knew she needed a place in this journal because she has sure found a place in my heart. It's strange finally being a Daddy, but never really having met my daughter. I wonder what she would have looked like, who she would have grown up to be, how it would have felt to be her hero for a while, and to be loved by her. But I am grateful for God's perfect plan. I like to think that she knows we love her...dearly! Psalm 57:1-2"

It’s never easy to experience loss. But God brings comfort, peace, and hope. He does this through His Word, by the thoughtfulness of a friend bringing flowers, a sister sending a special note through the mail remembering Callie's due date...

I'm missing Callie again, especially today. But I'd never wish her back because I know God's plan is perfect. And now I'm feeling the kicks of another little one growing inside me and know that God has something special in mind for this little one as well. Each gift God gives I must hold with open hands. He gives and He takes away. And even though I don't understand His ways, they are perfect and I choose to trust.

CMI Conference

This year I had the opportunity to attend the Christian Midwives International Conference. And boy was it a treat! I'd heard a lot about it over the last couple of years but it never worked out to go to previous conferences. So I was excited when they announced that it would be held in Colorado Springs, about a seven hour drive for me. The view at the Franciscan Retreat Center was beautiful with mountains all around us and I took the opportunity in the mornings to go for a quiet walk. The cooler weather was wonderful after coming from Kansas where it had been in the three digits for weeks.

The conference was just what I needed. I met so many beautiful women of God and it was so refreshing to have the common bond of loving the Lord. Most of us were midwives although some were apprentices or doulas. There were also a few women who came to the conference to learn more to see if midwifery was something they wanted to pursue.

I found the schedule very relaxing. We had a couple of morning sessions, a break from lunch until two, and then a few more afternoon sessions, and most times a free evening to do whatever we decided. I came away inspired and encouraged not only in my walk with the Lord but also excited about midwifery and the things I'd learned from other midwives. If you're a midwife or thinking about becoming one, I highly recommend attending one of these conferences!

Garden of the Gods...

Twins!

 

 Tomorrow Daisy & Hazel will be a month old. Wow, time flies! Twins don't come along very often, but when they do, it adds an element of excitement to a pregnancy along with a lot more responsibility for a midwife. As missionaries, Daisy & Hazel's family didn't come to the States until late in the pregnancy and so we had to make plans fairly quickly after they arrived. We planned to do a home birth. But at 35 weeks the twins decided they were ready to come and so we had to make other arrangements. They were born in the hospital with Daisy weighing 5 lbs and Hazel weighing 4 lb 7 oz. I typically don't deliver babies at home before 36 weeks because babies' lungs normally aren't fully developed before then. But both Daisy and Hazel didn't seem to have a problem with their lungs. They seemed to know how to use them quite well! We are so thankful they didn't need extra help after the birth and were able to go home before long.

 

 Arms and legs everywhere! Daisy & Hazel's mom said they don't sleep well unless they're snuggled up really close to each other ~ sometimes nose to nose! =)

July Babies

 

Azariah Ann

Azariah Ann made her appearance the first part of July. She's a sweet little thing!

This was a special birth, especially for Bethany since Azariah is her little niece!

 Caroline Joy

I was privileged to attend Caroline's birth. Sorani, one of the Texas midwives who trained me, delivered this family's last baby and then they moved to Kansas and so I was able to help "catch" the next one. Caroline's mom is also from my home area. It's pretty rare to find a fellow Canadian here in Kansas!

Bethany and I have a new apprentice, Laurel. We're excited about having her work with us! This was her first birth to attend as an apprentice and she did great.